Week 9 Post-Game Update

Hi Ho! Week 9 saw more insane performances. This week Joe Mixon went off for 5 TDs and Justin Fields rushed for more yards in a single game than any QB in the history of the NFL to help Dana shock the League in upsetting Jordan. Just when you thought there is no stopping his historic team, a glimmer of hope emerges. It was a rough week for Tracy. I thought he was sick from watching his Raiders blow another 17-point lead but I wish that was the worst of it. We learned he was very ill which was the reason he wasn't able to manage his lineup this week. Then tragically we learned his wife passed away. Writing this I am just gutted for him and his children. It puts things in perspective. Life is short. Don't take anything for granted and be grateful for the time we have with one another. Thanks for making this League a place where we can give each other a hard time while we obsess over our fantasy teams in a fun way. Rest in peace, Tiffany.

Kermit the Kommissioner (James) vs Janice (Linda)

113.02 - 80.54

My strategy has mostly gone to plan. I put the jinx on Linda in the prediction just to be safe. With Chase out, I wasn't 100% confident in the matchup rolling out MVS, Herbert, and White. My fears were warranted with Chicago continuing to go to slow arse Montgomery. MVS was the low man on the totem pole this week for KC. Similar to Herbert, White still has to take second fiddle to fat-arse Fournette. Lucky for me, the KC game script turned into a slugfest that suited Henry for 115 yards and 2 TDs. My victory was less about how good my team was and more about how sucky Loser Linda's was with 4 players on bye. Hines goosed her. Doubs got injured after a great catch that had Rodgers pumped. Looks like Doubs is out the rest of the fantasy season with a high ankle sprain. Conklin crapped out with only 1 catch in a matchup that should have seen more targets for him, but Josh Allen played like sh*t as he put it. With another Poopsie Award for Linda, she once again regains the infamous position of having the fewest points score for the season.

Animal (Paul) vs Fozzy the Bear (David)

110.90 - 119.30

Paul jumped out to the early lead, but it didn't hold for long. His stud QB has come back down to earth only scoring 24.8 points. DJ Moore's ascendance with PJ Walker quickly fizzled out versus the Bengals and Antonio Gibson wasn't able to get much going with his 14 touches. Even so, Paul still had a chance heading into SNF down 30 with Kelce remaining. Kelce posted another 100+ yard game but didn't find the endzone. For David, his faith in Etienne is paying off and taking some of the sting off dropping Kenneth Walker for him. Call of Doody Kyler's points total looks a lot better than it looked during the game. Diggs did what he could against Sauce. Sauce is looking like he could be the next Revis island for the Jets. It didn't take long for Hock to make his presence known in Minny. 9 catches in his first game after being traded. 119 points is pretty mediocre, but it was enough to get the W to move into 1st place in the Bros division.

Dr. Honeydew (Travis) vs Oscar the Grouch (Tracy)

111.30 - 86.66

Travis needed this win in a big way to keep his hopes alive in the Beards division. With Tracy down with an illness, he wasn't able to work his waiver wire magic leading up to the game. With limited options on his bench, I was forced to start Mattison in his flex. Mattison's 1 catch for 1 yard was impressive...not. I hated having to drop his Denver DST, but maybe he can get them back off waivers. That's not really important right now as he deals with his health and the sudden loss of his wife, Tiffany. The League isn't the same without Trashy Tracy's dumpster diving for players on the waivers. Travis's team didn't have to do much. Kupp still produces even on a bum ankle. You would think defensive coordinators could figure out how to cover Kupp by now. Not like the Rams have any other decent WRs to worry about. Patterson made his triumphant return from IR getting into the endzone twice. If Patterson can stay healthy he will produce, but that is a big if.

Abby (Ashlyn) vs Gonzo the Great (Justin)

94.62- 152.54

Justin is picking up momentum with his third straight win. That's easy to do when your RB scores 5 freaking TDs! I feel Ashlyn's pain since I faced Mixon in the other two leagues I play in. What are the odds?! Mixon, you just get all those TDs out of your system now before I have to face you later this season during divisional games. Justin continues to struggle at QB. Rodgers and Mariota aren't good options but there is nothing but skank on the wire. Maybe a better option will come available once byes are done. I knew whoever Ashlyn picked for her flex would be wrong. I was right. Deon Jackson struggled against the Patriots and he got hurt while Kirk blew up for 21.60 on her bench. Welcome to fantasy! Aaron Jones also got hurt, but it sounds like he avoided a serious ankle injury. He will probably be a game-time decision next week. It's back-to-back losses for the Rookie but somehow she still remains in 2nd place in the Broads division.

BoBo the Bear (Steve) vs Scooter (Gary)

94.20 - 132.04

My brother can't buy a win. He drops his fourth in a row even with Goedert posting 25 points on TNF. Swift is a shell of his former self. Injuries have robbed him once again of having a good fantasy year. At least Steve will get Chubb back for the rest of the season next week. With everyone except Jordan losing in the Broads division there is still hope that Steve can finally make the Championship playoff for once. Steve had a glimmer of hope until Mahomes crushed it passing for almost 450 yards! I know Steve is happy for the Chiefs' win over the bully Titans, though. Awesome Ekeler continues to put up consistent RB1 numbers. However, with the trade for Jeff Wilson, Mostert took a hit to his output. There's no RB depth at all on Gary's bench so this could pose some issues down the stretch. His total points this week could have been better if he had stuck with his Chiefs super stack, but he chose Boyd over Hardman. The process was correct if the outcome was not. Gary continues to lead the Bros division and moves past James for 2nd in points for. With the top two points totals getting a bye in the Championship playoffs, it's a race to see who will emerge.

Elmo (Jordan) vs Miss Piggy (Dana)

167.38 - 170.43

Dana pulls off the biggest upset in League history. The team barely averaging 100 ppg defeats the greatest scoring team in League history so far this season averaging 155 ppg. Jordan can go suck a lemon! It wasn't like Jordan had a bad week. he scored the 2nd most points. Every move he makes comes up golden. Pick up Tua. No more concussions and top 5 at QB ROS. Pick up the Patriots' DST off waivers. #1 DST since he got them. I speak for the rest of the League. Bite me, Jordan! Dana pulled a rabbit out of her butt grabbing Fields off waivers to watch him break the single-game rushing record for a QB with 178 yards rushing on his way to 50+ points. Adams exploded in the 1st half with 30+ points. But the miracle was watching Kenyan Drake score 2 TDs to outscore Kamara by 14 points to secure the victory. Talk about a Monday Night Miracle! She slept through all of it. I was too scared to say a word in case I jinx it. Dana still has the worst record in the League, but the massive points total drops Loser Linda back to last place in points. Dana has a long way to go though to escape the bottom four in points to avoid the 4 team Crapper bowl.